Lovely Idiot
by OujoYunie
Summary: After being avoided by Johan for a few weeks, Judai finally musters up the courage to ask the question stuck in his mind. Spiritshipping. Lyrics at the end of each chapter by Gackt.
1. Chapter 1

He was acting weird. At first, it didn't seem as anything more than initial shock (or so said Ayukawa-sensei) but now it was really starting to bug him. It's true a lot of things happened to Duel Academia this year but, ever since he transfered he always seemed friendly, never refusing to help to anyone and always smiling. But the Johan now... was different. It wasn't like he was rude, it wasn't like he wasn't kind, but something has changed in him. His aura felt different. Judai thought that he probably was the only one who noticed. Maybe, he was the only one around here who knew the true Johan. Or maybe he was the one being weird. It's not like he hadn't gone through some serious trouble his brain had not quite managed to assimilate yet. But he was able to overcome it, and it was thanks to the support of his friends, and Johan too. Johan was... no, is his friend. Although somehow in Judai's mind he always stood apart from the others. For Judai, Johan was the first person who understood him completely without the need to know anything about him. He didn't ask Judai anything personal and yet he always seemed to know exactly what was on the mind of the Osiris Red student. But this Johan now, he was really acting like someone else! He still smiled, he still helped anyone in trouble, he attended classes (as far as Judai had noticed, since he didn't attend classes all that much), he ate together with everyone, but there was something missing. Judai noticed the other boy acted that way when he was around him. What worried him is that maybe Johan lost a part of himself when he stayed behind in the Different World. That world was Yuber's fault but, Yuber was Judai's. Johan knew about that so maybe he actually hated him now...

That kind of thoughts swirled around in the Osiris Red student's mind, Judai Yuki - a 17 years old boy with a seemingly neverending stamina and passion for duels. He had spent a good few weeks on pondering over the question 'Does he hate me or does he not?' and while one would think said question could be solved with just asking, Judai Yuki had not considered that. The reason of that being - he never really considered anything for a long time. It was his nature to rush into whatever problem was in his way and hope Lady Luck was on his side. But those were usually problems regarding school or duels. And his problem right now was not an object but a person. A very precious friend who had always been able to read Judai like an open book. Judai was afraid that his fears might be confirmed if he asked Johan – the other boy might really hate him. So if he asked, he could get hurt. But if he didn't, he'd just keep hanging in-between...

_'Man, this is really starting to annoy me!'_, he stood up from the cliff he had been sitting on for the last two hours, his usual passionate self returning. _'I really really really don't care about this anymore! I just have to know if he still considers me a friend or not, and I'm not gonna sit around for any longer than that!'_ And with that said (shouted actually) he stomped off to Johan's room. It was in the Blue dorm so he scared quite a few people with his seriousness (one of which Asuka, who was passed by in the middle of her greeting).

When he was finally there and after a few knocks on his door, which were responded with nothing but silence, his mood became even worse. Apparently Johan was not in his room. And just when Judai finally mustered up the courage to ask him! Lady Luck had definitely given up on him. It would be best if he gave up too, for today at least, he thought. Tomorrow, he might try again. Yes, he surely will... tomorrow.

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When I turned around, I always knew that your smile would be there

But before I knew it, that reality has become a gentle memory

When I close my eyes, your smiling face is still there

Always, you gave me more strength than anyone else

BLACK STONE

All of a sudden, we would do something wild and stupid

It was casual and impulsive

It's become an irreplaceable treasure

The reality of those days

When I close my eyes, your smiling face is still there

Always, you heal me when I am hurt

I smile even when I'm lonely

Because by my side, you're...

You're there

I could never hate you for just being lonely...

When I close my eyes, your smiling face is still there

Because I believe that some day we'll meet again

Because we promised


	2. Chapter 2

With a heavy heart, he walked the way to his dorm room, hoping to lock himself in, take out his deck and stare for a long time at his cards, undisturbed by anyone. For some reason, it always calmed him down. He could talk to Hane Kuribo, too, since it was such a good partner and a wonderful listener. That was of course if Hane Kuribo had not gone to play with Ruby somewhere. If that was the case Judai would just sit and stare - at his cards, at the ceiling - which had about 78 cracks, he didn't quite remember but he could always count them again. He had done it a few times by now. Or he could consider creating an imaginary friend to share his misery with. And for a moment, as he opened the door, he thought he had miraculously succeeded at that - for there was a lone figure in the room. However after a second his imaginary friend took the shape of a very real friend and admittedly the last person Judai needed to see right now. Because Judai's passionate spirit had gone away again, and in it's place was a slightly scared one. Disregarding the ever-so-annoying question in Judai's mind, he stepped a bit closer to the figure. A 17 years old vigorous boy with green hair and sparkling emerald eyes, that's what image one who had met Johan Andersen would call forth. Said boy was now sitting on a chair near the window, his back turned to the door Judai was standing on and his figure illuminated by the setting sun. It only took him a second to feel the presence of the other boy in the room, however, he did not turn around to face him. 'I need to tell you something', that's all that left his mouth as he patiently waited for the other boy to come closer.

- I... need to tell you something as well - Judai was almost a hundred percent sure now that Johan indeed hated him. Why else would he want to talk to him after practically ignoring him for the past few weeks? But even so, he had to ask the question that had been stuck in his mind, he had to take it off his shoulders or else he would sink down and drown in his misery. So after taking a deep breath he finally let the words out.

- Do you hate me? - he had imagined he'd shout them out to him, hear an instant painful confirmation and run out of his room and away from this person who only awakened contrary feelings in his heart but instead, he just had to stay there as silence fell upon the two. Johan had now turned around to look at Judai's face. His wide eyes and slighly open mouth clearly showed that he wasn't expecting a question like this. After a moment though, his expression returned to normal and his lips curved in a small smile. The same kind smile he always gave Judai whenever the Osiris Red boy was in pain or in trouble, the smile that showed he would be happy to share them all.

- Well, it's not very surprising you think that way... Judai, I never hated you. I just had a few things to think about and, I just thought that if I don't see you-

- What's that? Aren't friends supposed to not keep secrets from each other? If you have problems and never tell me about it, how can I help you? I want to... - he smiled, the type of smile Johan knew the boy gives especially when he doesn't want to make anyone worry about him - I want to help you, if you're in pain. You've helped me so much already and, I just always mess up. It's my fault you were stuck in the Different World, I... because of Yuber...

- Judai, I wanted to help back then. I never asked you to tell me anything about your past and I'm not going to start. Whatever has happened it doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. It's just that... I wanted to help you, always.

- But if you expect me to share you have to share too! I want to know what's bothering you. If we're friends, then you'll let me know...

- I can't - he shook his head as to say the other boy wouldn't understand - If I tell you... we might not be friends anymore. No, If I tell you, you'll probably be the one to hate me.

- Huh? No way! – _'He said we're friends! He doesn't hate me!'_ Judai could almost picture himself as a puppy happily wagging its tail. But the thought of Johan hiding his feelings from him irritated him all the same. - If you really think we're friends, you shouldn't be worried over that. I can't hate you, no matter what.

Johan gazed at him. And kept on gazing. And then some more. That made Judai feel uneasy somehow, especially in the area around his stomach. Almost like the time he ate some bad shrimp and was feeling sick for two days. Of course, that didn't stop him from eating shrimp. That aside, it seemed Johan was finally done staring at him, because he shifted slighly and opened his mouth to talk. _'Like final words before execution'_, Judai thought. He couldn't really imagine anything too serious or scary, now that he knew they were still friends, he was sure there was nothing that could stand it their way and break them apart.

- I... don't want us to be only friends, Judai – _'Here. It's done. I said it. Now it's either all over or by a miracle Judai actually accepts it...'_ The confession he's been worried about the past few weeks was finally voiced out loud. Johan had at first thought that, if he was away from his friend for a while, this weird feeling would disappear. However, it turned out it was a very persistent one. It wouldn't leave him even in his sleep, and after fighting quite unsuccessfully with it for the past few weeks, he thought it was best to just admit them and tell Judai. And more importantly, it seemed that Judai was suffering because of the sudden distancy of his friend. While looking at the boy's confused expression at that moment, Johan convinced himself for the hundredth time that he was some kind of a vicious monster. To just selfishly isolate Judai from himself without caring for his feelngs... He really was the worst!

And while he was busy overreacting his guilt he didn't notice the hands that reached out to him and pushed him backwards, and with such force Johan would have never thought Judai posseses. When he was finally able to pull himself together he looked up. He had somehow expected the push, but what he didn't expect was the expression on Judai's face. The pained look on the young boy's face, the clenched fists and a single teardrop was the answer to Johan's confession. _'...He really hates me, huh...'_

- You...! Stop screwing around, you idiot! What do you mean exactly 'More than friends'? I was so serious and you just mocked me... Dammit, I really hate you! - and with that he was out the door, running to whatever his feet would carry him. Just away from this room and this person who he once thought to be kind.

'What...' Johan's mind was still trying to process the happening. After a few minutes he had half-way given up when it struck him. _'He said I was mocking him... Could it be...'_ And a few moments later he was sure of what exactly Judai had thought. And he was even more sure that he, Johan Andersen, was the biggest idiot in this Academia. Because for having fallen in love with a fellow duelist and confessing to him, he never once took into account the fact that his precious person was indeed quite often, a simpleton. What was more, he was a simpleton who only cared about dueling. And his friends of course but at that moment, that was beside the point. Judai Yuki was known as a great duelist with a miracle draw, a friendly person, a food-lover, laziness for anything school-related and also, he did not seem to like girls. In fact he so easily brushed off any thought of them, not to mention hints from some Obelisk Blue girls (who Johan still kept a wary eye on, just in case) that the emerald-eyed boy had thought that maybe, just maybe, Judai was not into girls and he actually had a chance. It had never once occured to him that the boy did not respond to any of the girls because he was ignorant of their hints and even anything remotely related to 'the birds and the bees'.

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When I'm sad, if I close my eyes,

You're by my side

You refused to show your tears as you bid farewell

And you gave me your same kind smile

I will never forget that warmth

I smile even as the tears flow

Even if this road comes to an end

I'll unfurl my wings for you


	3. Chapter 3

He ran as fast as he could. He was already exhausted but if he stopped, he might break down. Then he probably wouldn't be able to stand up; he'd just lay on the ground wallowing and crying. _'That Johan, saying something like that... he really is the worst! Even though he really didn't seem to be mocking me...'_, much to his dismay, his mind had started analysing what had happened. He found himself gradually slowing down and in a few minutes he had reached the cliffs and sat down. But no matter how much he repeated Johan's words into his mind he couldn't understand them. An hour later he was confused, angry and, quite frankly on the verge of crying his eyes out. And that's how Asuka found him.

- Judai, are you alright? - her voice startled him but he quickly managed to recover. He thought of just lying to her, telling her he's alright and sending her away but...

- Asuka... is there, something more than friendship?

- Eh? - _'What is that about really...'_, she suddenly wondered if this had anything to do with Johan. After all, it seemed they didn't hang together lately, and Judai had gone to the Blue dorm today, looking almost angry at something. - Judai, what is this sudden question? Is there something on your mind? - she carefully sat beside him, waiting for an explanation on his odd behavior.

- Well... it's just that... - He wasn't sure if he should tell Asuka. But, she was smart and could probably help him. And most of all, she was a friend... _'Even though this word hurts me now...'_

- Johan told me something. He's been acting weird recently so today, I asked him if he thought we're friends. You know, me and him. And, he said he wanted us to be more than friends.

- Oh - _'Then Johan is... in love with Judai?'_. Actually, it wasn't so hard to believe when she thought about it. Johan and Judai became close friends instantly, they were always together and helped each other. She also remembered how sad Judai was when Johan stayed back in the other world. They were really close but then why-

- And, I thought he was mocking me so I pushed him and ran. I told him I hate him... I ran all the way here. But, his face... it didn't look like he was mocking me. I just don't get it...

He had pulled his knees to his body and wrapped his arms around them. Asuka thought that sometimes, Judai really looked like a lost puppy. He looked so sad and confused... She tried to think of a happier Judai and involuntary, an image of Judai and Johan eating shrimp together showed up. Followed by another one, when they planned on borrowing some food from the party at Obelisk Blue dome, and the one of their first duel...

- Asuka?

- Eh? - she looked up to see Judai's pained face - Sorry, I got distracted a bit... Well, I don't know how I should say it... I don't think Johan-kun was mocking you.

- He... wasn't? - a light of hope shone in these large puppy eyes and Asuka wondered for a second if Judai's feelings for Johan were actually mutual. Even though he didn't seem to have noticed. But, that was Judai, she remembered. One of his traits was his unique ignorance of the world. And the fact he thought he had been made fun of by Johan because of the boy saying 'I want to be more than friends' proved it. In fact, she wondered if the result wouldn't have been the same if Johan-kun had said straight out 'I love you'. Anyway, at least she could explain about it all.

- Judai, there are different kinds of love - she started.

- Different kinds of love? - he repeated her words slowly, as if to translate them in his mind.

- That's right. Friends love each other - in a sense that they are close, help each other in need and share good and bad moments together.

- Okay, I get that - the expression of a lost puppy had now changed to a curious look.

- There's also love for the divine. People all around the world have different religions and believe in different Gods. This is a sacret, spiritual love. There's also love between relatives. For example, I love my parents and my brother, even if he is an idiot sometimes. And also the-

- I get it! - Judai stood up, shining eyes and a big grin on his face.

- You do? - Asuka was glad that she didn't need to explain the last kind of love - it seemed Judai wasn't such a dolt and had finally understood! And judging by his expression he shared the other boy's feelings. Asuka was really happy for them. At least now they'd stop sulking and scaring the other students. After all, she still found Johan-kun's cautiousness around each and every girl close to Judai a bit disturbing. Back to reality, she found the view of a jumping up and down Judai quite hilarious. Except...

- I get it now, I get it! So all that time, Johan was actually scared because he thought I wouldn't like us to be a family!

--------------------------------

If it's a dream that you want to grant

Don't hang your head and cry

On sleepless nights, I'll be there for you

Until you can see dreams

Don't be so embarrassed

Let me see your smile

It's more wonderful and more precious to me than anything else

That smile...


	4. Chapter 4

- ... What? - After the initial shock and after managing to close her mouth, that's all Asuka could say. Judai was either thinking way ahead in the future... or he had not understood her at all.

- So he actually wanted to say he wanted us to be like brothers, how cool! (1) - And now she was sure that he was, once again, clueless. Well, that's Judai for you...- That guy! And I thought he was mocking me or something. I guess I'm a bit dense about these stuff, relationships with people I mean, hehe...- he scratched his head nerviously - Ah! But if that's what he meant, and I just pushed him... Ahhh, dammit, I should apologize right away! Thanks about the help, Asuka! - And with that he sped up to his dorm room in hopes Johan would still be there. Leaving a very perplexed Asuka behind. _'That idiot, he's so clueless all the time'_, she signed. _'But... I guess I'll leave the rest of the explanation to Johan-kun'_. And with a smile on her face she walked off to her dorm.

- Johan! - a panting Judai pushed open the door of his room. To his bewilderment Johan was still there. In fact, he was still sitting in the chair, still looking through the window, even though the sun had set some good hours ago and darkness enveloped the whole island. It was only thanks to the moon's light that anything was visible, if only slightly. Thanks to it Judai had managed to run full speed in the semi-darkness without breaking a leg. Even if he tripped three times.

- Judai? - his voice showed he was a bit surprised_. 'Even though it's his room... he looked so mad, I almost didn't expect him returning. But I had to wait... to clear things up'._

- Judai, I-

- I'm sorry!

- Huh?

- I'm sorry... I was so rude. I should've stayed calm, but I just... missunderstood things. But, it's okay now! - Johan could sense Judai's face beam with delight. _'Is he really... happy? Does he really understand?'_ - I know now, you just wanted us to be brothers!

- What...

Something in Johan's voice could tell Judai he wasn't expecting that kind of an answer. Could it be that he messed up, again!?

Johan took the silent moment to stand up and light the lamp. That way he could look at Judai's face and hopefully see into that head of his.

- Judai... Do you know what love is? - If he's gonna confess, then at least he has to explain the basics first, that's what the emerald eyed boy thought.

- I know! There are different kinds of love. Asuka told me, there's love for friends, relatives, and also the one connected to religion, worshipping I guess.

- Anything else? - If Asuka-san had only explained that, Johan didn't know how to get out of this mess. Unless he showed Judai what he meant... but even though it was tempting, it might scar the other boy for life. And Judai might not feel the same and end up hating him for real. Was it worth the risk...?

- Well, now that I think about it she might have wanted to explain something else but... I was just so happy I had to see if that's what you meant! So I rushed to the dorm and you're still here, I'm really glad - He did seem glad. In fact Johan could almost swear Judai was the one emitting light, not the lamp.

- Like sun... - he trailed off.

- Hm? Like sun? - In Judai's mind, Johan was always like some kind of a sun, shining upon him, giving him warmth. Even now as they were standing in the poor light his figure seemed to be sending warmth to Judai. And for a fleeting moment, he had the urge to come closer and press his body to the other boy's. But these thoughts were quickly chased away with the next words.

- Ah, nevermind. Judai, there's actually many different kinds of love. Some say they're as many as the people in love. Since everyone is different and unique, their love is also different and unique. But, you've probably seen boys and girls walking together, hands in hands, sometimes hugging?

- Yeah. Girlfriend, boyfriend... but doesn't that just mean they're friends? Just a girl and a boy who are friends.

- There's a difference.

- I don't get it - Judai stubbornly shook his head. That was way too much information for one day!

'He can't understand it this way', Johan signed. But in reality, he was a bit happy. Or actually, he was very happy. Because that way he would be able to show Judai what he meant. For him, it was the better version (not to mention faster since Judai was slow on learning new things, unless they were related to card games).

- Judai, what I mean is…

---------------------------------

The joy from my heart at our sudden meeting says

"Maybe it'll be over before I know it..." those forebodings scare me

And then I was gazing into your eyes

Without understanding anything

They're not forever changing, so how many phantoms,

Like memories and dreams, could you file away

And now I gazed into your eyes

Without changing anything

If I stretch out my hand, the smile I reach is fleeting

If I close my eyes, I want to hold

Your vanishing body once more in my arms

Because I can't forget that time, that place where we met...

Dancing in the breeze, your body

Was being enveloped in light

* * *

(1) Since Johan accepts his monsters as his family and treats them as friends, Judai believes that the emerald eyed boy also has the same feelings towards him - in other words that he accepts Judai as a brotherly figure. 


	5. Chapter 5

- Judai, what I mean is - and he leaned towards him, taking his face in his hands and stealing a quick chaste kiss. He had meant to show his love to Judai slowly and carefully, but after tasting his lips his mind stopped operating. The only thing left were his emotions, struggling to break free. He wanted to get closer and closer to his beloved person, to envelop him in his feelings, in his warmth. He couldn't fight this anymore, and so he leaned for another kiss. Judai's own emotions were a maelstrom, his mind was screaming for something he couldn't understand. This kind of closeness was unfamiliar to him and while it frightened him a bit, it also felt oddly nice. His heartbeat had done a new record when Johan leaned for the second time and placed his warm lips upon his. The emerald eyed boy's body pressed into Judai's and he wrapped his arms around the smaller frame. The hug allowed Judai to relax just enough for Johan to slip his tongue inside. Judai's eyes opened wide, a new set of emotions swirling in his entire body. He immediately lifted up his arms and tried to push the other boy off him. But Johan was stronger. The kiss deepened, his tongue exploring Judai's mouth, his hands caressing the lithe form. Judai's resistance was getting weaker and weaker every second, and after what felt like an eternity, Johan finally felt the other boy's arms relaxing and instead of trying to push him grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. Actually, Judai couldn't understand anything about their actions, but the need to be closer to Johan's warmth was too strong for him now. He was drawn like a moth to the flame.

What happened next was something Judai would never be able to explain nor understand completely. Johan's lips, his hands, his essence were everywhere, they enveloped him and lifted him up to the sky and beyond. And in the morning when he woke up and looked at the peacefully sleeping warm body beside him, all thoughts and questions about Johan hating him were gone. They were replaced only by tenderness, a newfound affection for this brilliant eyed boy who had changed his life so much for such a short period of time. His last thought as he fell asleep again was, _'This kind of love is... the greatest feeling'_.

---------------------------------

From the day that you first wished you could reach the end

We started walking together on this neverending road

When it looked like you were going to stop

I grabbed your hand and refused to let go...

Don't cry

Smile your gentle smile

This is our neverending journey

I won't let anyone interfere

I won't let anyone sully it

Because the world that you're searching for is out there, waiting for you

The rain that falls from the parched sky tells us,

"There is great meaning to all of God's creatures"

When you want to break into tears out of loneliness

I'll squeeze you tight

I'll hold you close

No matter how much it hurts

Even if I lose everything

That's right, this is our neverending journey

I won't let anyone break it

No one else understands

Let's travel off to the world we're searching for


End file.
